Understanding Different Grieving Processes: Navigating the Journey of Loss

Grief arrives in our lives with profound intensity, yet how we experience and process it varies tremendously from person to person. The journey through grief is as unique as our fingerprints—shaped by our cultural background, personal experiences, and the nature of our loss. While grief is universal, the path we take through it is distinctly our own.

In recent years, our understanding of grief has evolved significantly beyond traditional models. Modern approaches recognise that grieving doesn’t follow a predictable timeline or sequence. Instead, it unfolds as a complex, non-linear experience that may resurface throughout life in different forms. By exploring various frameworks for understanding grief, we can develop greater compassion—both for ourselves and others navigating loss.

What Are the Traditional Models of Understanding Grief?

Traditional grief models provided the foundation for how we conceptualise the grieving process. While more contemporary approaches have expanded upon these frameworks, they remain important reference points.

The Five Stages of Grief (Kübler-Ross Model)

Developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, this model initially described the experiences of people facing terminal illness before being applied more broadly to grief. The five stages include:

1. Denial: An initial buffer against overwhelming emotions, often manifesting as shock or disbelief.
2. Anger: Frustration that may be directed at oneself, others, or circumstances.
3. Bargaining: Attempting to negotiate or find meaning, often through “what if” and “if only” thoughts.
4. Depression: Deep sadness and withdrawal as the reality of the loss becomes unavoidable.
5. Acceptance: Adjusting to a new reality, though not necessarily with complete resolution.

It’s important to note that these stages were never intended to represent a linear progression. People may experience some stages but not others, revisit stages multiple times, or experience several simultaneously.

The Four Phases of Grief (Bowlby & Parkes)

John Bowlby and Colin Murray Parkes proposed an alternative framework specifically for bereavement:

• Shock and Numbness: Initial emotional shutdown that helps manage the immediate trauma.
• Yearning and Searching: Intense longing accompanied by restlessness, anger, or confusion.
• Disorganisation and Despair: A period of withdrawal and hopelessness as the permanence of loss sets in.
• Reorganisation and Recovery: Gradual adjustment and finding ways to continue life with the loss integrated into one’s experience.

This model emphasizes how grief changes over time while acknowledging the disruptive impact loss has on our sense of security and meaning.

How Have Modern Perspectives Changed Our Understanding of Grief?

Contemporary grief theories have moved away from stage-based models to more fluid and individualised frameworks that better capture the complexity of grieving.

The Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut)

Rather than viewing grief as a linear progression, the Dual Process Model recognises that people oscillate between two different coping orientations:

Loss-Oriented Coping	Restoration-Oriented Coping
Emotional processing of the loss	Adjusting to life changes caused by the loss
Crying, reminiscing, yearning	Learning new skills, developing new routines
Confronting painful memories	Taking breaks from grief, engaging in distractions
Focusing on the relationship with what was lost	Building new connections and identities

Healthy grieving involves natural movement between these two orientations—sometimes focusing directly on the loss and other times attending to rebuilding life. Neither orientation is superior; both are necessary parts of the grieving process.

Continuing Bonds Theory

Contrary to older perspectives that emphasised “letting go,” Continuing Bonds Theory suggests that maintaining connections with the deceased can be healthy and beneficial. This might involve:

• Creating meaningful rituals to honour the relationship
• Finding comfort in keepsakes or mementos
• Having internal conversations with the deceased
• Integrating values or traits of the deceased into one’s life

This approach acknowledges that relationships don’t simply end with death but transform and continue to influence our lives in different ways.

How Do Cultural Backgrounds Influence Grieving Processes?

Cultural context profoundly shapes how we express and process grief, from what’s considered appropriate behaviour to the rituals that provide structure during times of loss.

Australian Cultural Contexts

Within Australia, diverse cultural traditions influence grieving practices:

• In many mainstream Australian communities, grief may be expressed more privately, with an emphasis on “moving forward” relatively quickly.
• In Aboriginal Australian communities, grieving often involves communal expressions like ceremonial crying, singing, or wailing—practices that acknowledge the social nature of loss.
• Aboriginal communities may observe protocols such as avoiding the name or images of the deceased as a sign of respect, a practice called “Sorry Business” in some communities.

These differences highlight how cultural frameworks provide different roadmaps for navigating loss, each with its own wisdom and challenges.

Beyond Death: Modern Grief Contexts

While bereavement following death remains the most recognised form of grief, contemporary understanding acknowledges grief responses to many types of loss:

• Relationship breakdowns and divorce
• Job loss or career changes
• Geographic relocations
• Health diagnoses or disabilities
• Environmental losses and climate change

Each context brings unique challenges that may not be recognised or validated by traditional grief frameworks, yet they trigger genuine grief responses deserving of acknowledgment and support.

What Factors Shape Individual Grieving Experiences?

Beyond cultural influences, several personal factors affect how we experience and express grief:

Nature of the Relationship

The closeness, complexity, and unresolved aspects of our relationship with what was lost profoundly shape our grief. Ambivalent relationships or those with unfinished business often create particularly complicated grief responses.

Circumstances of the Loss

Sudden, violent, or traumatic losses typically create different grieving needs than anticipated losses. Similarly, losses that are stigmatised (such as suicide or addiction-related deaths) may complicate the grieving process through reduced social support.

Personal History and Resources

Previous experiences with loss, existing mental health conditions, and the presence or absence of support networks all influence grieving capacity. Those with strong support systems and effective coping strategies often navigate grief with greater resilience.

Competing Demands

The practical circumstances surrounding loss—such as financial pressures, caregiving responsibilities, or work demands—significantly impact one’s capacity to process grief, sometimes forcing the postponement of emotional processing.

When Might Professional Support Be Beneficial for Grieving?

While grief itself is not a disorder or illness but a natural response to loss, sometimes the process becomes overwhelming or prolonged in ways that significantly impair functioning.

Signs That Additional Support May Be Helpful

• Persistent difficulty with daily functioning for six months or more after a loss
• Intense emotional numbness or anger that doesn’t diminish over time
• Inability to focus on anything but the loss
• Persistent feelings of meaninglessness or thoughts of not wanting to live
• Withdrawal from previously important relationships or activities
• Significant interference with work, relationships, or self-care

Australian Support Resources

Australians experiencing grief can access various supportive services:

• Community-based grief counsellingthrough local health services
• Grief-specific helplines providing telephone support
• Bereavement support groupsin many communities
• Aboriginal Health Units offering culturally appropriate grief support
• Online forums and resources for specific types of loss

These services aim to provide a validating space to process grief rather than “fixing” or eliminating it, recognising that healing occurs through supported expression rather than avoidance.

Navigating the Complex Terrain of Grief

Grief is not a problem to be solved but an experience to be honoured. Modern approaches to grief recognise that healing doesn’t mean forgetting or “getting over” a loss, but rather finding ways to integrate the loss into our ongoing life narrative.

The most supportive approach to grief—whether for ourselves or others—involves patience, flexibility, and compassion. There is no universal timetable, no correct sequence of emotions, and no single path through loss. Instead, we each find our way forward, sometimes stumbling, sometimes steady, carrying our losses with us as we continue to engage with life.

If you need support navigating grief or have questions about different grieving processes, please contact us at Ararat Wellness. Our compassionate team offers understanding guidance through difficult emotional transitions while respecting your individual journey.