Grief Avoidance: The Impact of Suppressing Emotions

When faced with profound loss, many of us instinctively turn away from the pain. We pack away photos, avoid conversations about our loved ones, and push down the overwhelming emotions that threaten to engulf us. This natural self-protective response—grief avoidance through emotional suppression—offers temporary relief but creates far-reaching consequences for our wellbeing.

In Australia, where stoicism has long been culturally valued, the tendency to “soldier on” through grief is particularly prevalent. Recent data suggests this approach may be contributing to concerning health outcomes, with complicated grief rates rising significantly across the country since the pandemic. Understanding how grief avoidance affects us biologically, psychologically, and socially is the first step toward healthier ways of processing loss.

What Is Grief Avoidance and Why Do People Suppress Emotions?

Grief avoidance refers to conscious or unconscious strategies people employ to escape confronting painful emotions associated with loss. These strategies might include keeping busy, intellectualising the experience, substance use, or simply refusing to acknowledge feelings of sadness, anger, or loneliness.

People suppress grief for understandable reasons:

• Fear that emotions will be overwhelming or never-ending
• Cultural or familial expectations about “appropriate” grieving
• Concern about burdening others with emotional displays
• Pressure to “move on” or “stay strong” for others
• Stigma, particularly among men, where 44% avoid grief expression due to societal expectations

While these motives are comprehensible, research consistently shows that prolonged avoidance ultimately compounds suffering rather than alleviating it. The human grief response evolved for important psychological and social reasons—attempts to circumvent this natural process often backfire dramatically.

How Does Suppressing Grief Affect Your Physical Health?

The body keeps score of unprocessed emotions. When we suppress grief, our physiological stress response systems remain chronically activated, creating measurable physical consequences:

Cardiovascular Impact

Emotional suppression contributes to elevated blood pressure and increased heart rate. Research indicates suppressors experience an 18% higher prevalence of hypertension, with suppressed anger specifically correlating with increased heart disease risk. These physiological changes reflect the body’s sustained stress response when emotions aren’t processed.

Immune System Dysfunction

Our immune defences are intimately connected to our emotional wellbeing. Studies reveal that chronic grief suppressors show compromised antibody production and diminished T-cell activity—key components of immune function. This translates to 2.3 times higher hospitalisation rates for respiratory illnesses among those who habitually suppress emotions.

Long-term Health Outcomes

Perhaps most concerningly, a 12-year cohort study found that emotion suppressors had 35% higher cancer-related mortality rates. While the exact mechanisms remain under investigation, researchers hypothesise that the ongoing inflammatory processes triggered by unprocessed grief may contribute to cellular damage and reduced cancer surveillance by the immune system.

What Are the Psychological Consequences of Avoiding Grief?

The mind, like nature, abhors a vacuum. When grief is suppressed rather than processed, it doesn’t simply disappear but rather manifests in alternative psychological forms:

Prolonged Grief Disorder

Avoidance of grief-related memories and emotions predicts persistent symptoms in approximately 32% of bereaved Australians. When individuals employ maladaptive coping strategies like suppression, their risk of developing Prolonged Grief Disorder increases by 67%.

Depression and Anxiety

The emotional detachment that characterises grief avoidance triples the likelihood of developing depression in bereavement contexts. Similarly, those who habitually suppress grief show a 4.1 times higher risk of anxiety disorders compared to those who express their emotions. Rather than preventing emotional distress, suppression appears to redirect it into more chronic forms.

Cognitive Function

Even our thinking abilities suffer when significant emotional processing is avoided. Research demonstrates that chronic suppressors show 22% poorer working memory performance and 18% slower decision-making speeds. These cognitive effects likely stem from the considerable mental resources required to continuously inhibit emotional responses.

How Does Grief Avoidance Impact Relationships and Social Connections?

Grief is inherently interpersonal—it reflects our capacity for attachment and occurs within social contexts. When grief is suppressed, these connections often suffer:

Partnership Dynamics

Couples where one partner suppresses grief report 41% lower marital satisfaction scores and experience separation rates 2.4 times higher than couples who process grief together. This disparity often stems from communication barriers and emotional distance that develop when significant feelings remain unexpressed.

Intergenerational Effects

The patterns we establish around grief don’t affect just us; they shape future generations. Parents who suppress grief model avoidance behaviours for their children, leading to 58% higher emotional regulation difficulties in the next generation. This creates cycles of emotional avoidance that can persist through families for years.

Support Network Erosion

Ironically, while many people suppress grief to avoid burdening others, this approach often leads to greater isolation. Without the connection that shared vulnerability creates, support networks may gradually erode, leaving the grieving person with fewer resources precisely when they need them most.

What Approaches Help with Processing Grief in Healthy Ways?

Australian research has identified several evidence-based approaches that support healthy grief processing without overwhelming individuals. These methods acknowledge grief’s intensity while providing frameworks for integration rather than suppression:

Approach	Mechanism	Outcome Data
Complicated Grief Therapy	Exposure + cognitive restructuring	68% symptom reduction at 6-month follow-up
Family-Focused Therapy	Systemic emotional processing	54% improved family functioning scores
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction	Interoceptive awareness training	39% cortisol reduction

These approaches share common elements despite their different frameworks:

• They validate grief as a natural, necessary process rather than pathologising it
• They provide structured opportunities to engage with difficult emotions in manageable doses
• They recognise grief’s impact on relationships and often involve interpersonal components
• They incorporate both emotional processing and meaning-making elements

Importantly, Australian service models that integrate cultural narratives—such as First Nations continuing bonds practices—show particular promise in creating culturally responsive grief support that reduces avoidance while honoring diverse experiences of loss.

How Has the Pandemic Changed Our Grief Experiences in Australia?

The COVID-19 pandemic created unprecedented challenges for grief processing across Australia. Approximately 31% of Australians bereaved since 2020 report clinical-level suppression behaviours, reflecting the complex grief landscape that emerged during this period.

Several pandemic-specific factors contributed to increased grief avoidance:

• Disrupted mourning rituals and funeral restrictions
• Social isolation during bereavement
• Multiple concurrent losses (health, financial, social)
• Pervasive societal anxiety reducing emotional bandwidth
• Telehealth transitions creating barriers to grief support

The data suggests that these circumstances created a perfect storm for grief suppression, with potentially long-lasting public health implications. However, the pandemic also accelerated innovation in grief support services, with targeted interventions combining neuroscience-informed emotional regulation techniques and community support networks demonstrating 22% greater efficacy than traditional approaches.

Understanding Grief as a Process, Not a Problem

Grief avoidance through emotional suppression creates a paradox: in attempting to escape pain, we often prolong and intensify our suffering. The research clearly demonstrates that suppressed grief doesn’t simply vanish—it transforms into physical ailments, psychological distress, and relational difficulties.

Yet this understanding shouldn’t lead to pressure for performative grief or judgment about how individuals cope with loss. The healthy alternative to suppression isn’t forced emotional display but rather a compassionate, patient approach to grief that acknowledges its complexity and provides appropriate support for its natural unfolding.

For Australians navigating loss, particularly in our post-pandemic landscape, recognising the impact of grief avoidance represents an important step toward more integrated approaches to bereavement—approaches that honour both our need for resilience and our capacity for deep feeling.